Your Weekly Horror-Scope

You may feel especially warm and loving, Aries, and romance could be on your mind.  Has the dog been humping your leg? The vacuum been giving you that 'come hither' stare? Of course you realize, rubbing up against strangers in the elevator might get you maced.

You woke from some pretty intense dreams, Taurus. There may be meaning in them. Perhaps you saw the winning lottery numbers? Or foresaw a truck about to hit your cat. Or maybe the mailman is going to take you hostage, having a shooting spree with local police, while driving to Mexico in a stolen station wagon, the whole time telling you his plans for world domination. But.... maybe its was just a dream after all.

You may suddenly get a call from an old friend. An old flame looking to reconcile, perhaps an old school chum, looking to borrow money. Or maybe that poker buddy that you forgot about in the desert of Nevada that one time after that crazy party. Wow he made it out alive after all!  Hope hes not mad. Well you know what they say, what happens in Vegas...

Today you may be asked to speak to a gathering or lead a discussion group, Cancer. Perhaps you will be accepting an award of some sort? Or maybe give an important speech at work, in which the entire company is depending on. Nah. you will more than likely be asked to finger the gunman of the local convenience store in a police lineup. Hope you got a good look at his face. the entire investigation is depending on YOU

Feeling sexy today, Leo? Your oozing sex appeal and everyone senses it!  Don't let all those rejection fool you, they are just jealous. You know they want you. Try the ever subtle, "hey baby, guess what i have in my pants?" routine. If that doesn't work, try hiding in the backseat of their car with flowers. Jump out at just the right time.. Chicks love that. If she maces you, shes just playing hard to get. Keep trying, tiger!

You feeling ok, Virgo? You look a little pale. Eat something odd recently? Hang around some sick people? Whatever it is, dont get any on me. I dont want your germs.

A tall dark stranger could be headed your way today, Libra. Like that guy over there in a trench coat.  Hes watching your every move. He knows where you live. Hes got a briefcase full of information ALL about you... Stalker? i didnt say stalker... hes from the IRS.... Good luck with that.

Expect something new today, Scorpio. A new haircut, a new pet, a new pair of shoes. Your patience and scrimping have finally paid off.  wow, a new haircut... Feels good to save and save, and then reward yourself with.. a haircut. This is your savings? A HAIRCUT? Perhaps you should save up for another few months and just go to the movies.

 Go out of your way to help people today. Help an old lady cross the street, give to a local charity, or help a lost child find their way home. Help yourself to a 'free' newspaper, or refill. Or those little pennies at the gas station, no one wants those!  Or perhaps a help yourself to some unattended stock on the back of a truck. Go ahead, no one is watching. Isnt helping fun?

Some 'spring cleaning' might be on your mind today. Get out those dust rags and the vacuum and clean out those closets. Who knows what you'll find in there.  An old coat with a twenty in the pocket, a box of candy you had forgotten, or maybe a pair of earrings you had been looking for. Wait whats that smell? Whats behind these boxes? Is that a cat? When did you get a cat?  I guess you should clean out the garage a little more often.

Spooks. They are everywhere. Have you been seeing shadows recently? They are following you. Dont look now! There is a shadow behind you. I SAID DONT LOOK! You need to protect yourself from these evil spirits... Perhaps a nice tin foil hat....

Have you been thinking about changing careers, Pisces? Well, i hope so, cause your probably going to be fired. Know that little thing you didnt want your boss to know about? Well yeah, he knows. And guess who told him. Yep... That certain somebody whos going to take over your position. Well you have 2 choices. Turn the other cheek and just walk away, or revenge. Cold, swift, revenge.. So, whats your pleasure?