Monday, July 5, 2010

Your Weekly Horror-Scope

 Take a break from routine today, Cancer, as your likely to mess it up anyway. The best way to navigate through the days events is with your head down and your mouth shut. People may try to engage you in conversations, but its really better for them if you dont. The stars reveal a terrible day for you socially, and your likely to spit on someone, or accidentally call out the wrong name. Your good luck charm will most probably fall into a sewer grate.


Today is a day for reckless driving. You feel invincible today, Ares, but dont let that fool you. YOUR NOT.  Its a day of bruised knees, banged elbows, and potential head trauma. Avoid that long bike ride and take the bus instead. Your lucky color is band-aid tan.


 Your extremely bossy, and you annoy people.  Co-workers may decide to put something foul in your coffee today to release stress. But rest assured, you are always right. Because you wont believe otherwise. Take pleasure in rewriting Wikipedia, as most of the information is wrong anyway.


 Today you may find yourself holed up in a closet shaking for dear life. Its just anxiety, and not a hoard of zombies coming to eat your brains. To be on the safe side, sleep with a tennis racket under your pillow. Go to the gym to let out some of that stress.. or just practice running from the army of undead. Honestly, get out of the xbox now and then, the real world is way scarier.


 Leos are very 'in your face'.  And most people hate that. Be certain that you will rub someone the wrong way today. Choose your words carefully, or your attitude will get you punched in the nose. Today is a good day for getting plastered and dancing with a lampshade on your head.Your lucky number is 'im number one'


 You are as tight fisted as you are boring. Loosen up and have fun once in a while. Your attitude is bland and you put people to sleep while talking to them. Today is a good day to leave town. Even your dog dislikes you.



 Today you may feel like bursting out of bed and listening to the wind, Libra. But you really shouldn't be listening to those voices in your head so much. Today is a day of heavy medication and flexibility. Try to keep the OCD to a minimum today. Not EVERY toothpick has to be perfectly symmetrical.. Really, it doesn't. Your lucky color is plaid.


 You are an intense sign, and everyone knows it. See how far you can push your limits today, before someone slaps you. Its a good day for internet trolling and basic bullying. Your in rare form. Go stick it to those noobs! You are the sign most likely to get stabbed in a dark alley.


 Today is a good day for coming out to your parents and friends. Most people knew you were in the closet anyway.  Your an emotional mess, and you need to get those feelings out. Crank up the music in your room and record yourself singing karaoke in your underwear.  Just dont post it online.. Honestly, no one wants to see that..


 Take a look around today, Capricorn. You may find that you haven't actually been living in reality. Its ok, its easy enough to crawl back into denile.  You take great delight in torturing relatives. Enjoy a night out tonight... torture some strangers for once!


Like your sign suggests, you are wishy washy and flakey, Aquarias.  Have comfort in the fact that you arent the only ones who read the national inquirer and star magazines.  You are just the only ones who take it seriously. Today is a good day to chain yourself to a tree and protest global warming. Dont forget your hemp underpants.


Today is a day for love, Pices... With many, many partners. You are the flirty sort who goes from flower to flower... Try not to pollinate them all!
Today is a good day for penicillin.  You may find yourself on the wrong side of an angry husbands shotgun. Running down the fire escape nude is NOT a fashion statement.













lol ok, this was just a warm up, asa i havent done horoscops in a REALLY long time. these are not as funny as some of my other ones, but ill get back into the groove im sure. i hope you enjoyed this, and plese, entertainment purposes only!!! XD

8 comments:

  1. 'Today is a good day for coming out to your parents and friends. Most people knew you were in the closet anyway. Your an emotional mess, and you need to get those feelings out. Crank up the music in your room and record yourself singing karaoke in your underwear. Just dont post it online.. Honestly, no one wants to see that..'

    My underwear? 0-o And yesh, I am a emotional mess, I usually am.

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  2. lol yeah too too, honestly :P

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  4. At least I'm not the only one.

    Sorry, the last one had typeos and you couldn't read it XD.

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  5. LOL I really HAVEN'T been living in reality! (capricorn)...torturing strangers DOES sound pretty intriguing...I might have to look into that this weekend.

    You should do these more often Zeri!!! I think somebody has a new niiiiiiche... :D

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  6. haha my bf is a Capricorn too. he warned me not to make his too bad LOL.
    i will be doing these every monday is they do well. i always enjoyed making funny horoscopes ^_^
    (used to do one daily in my siggy at simpletons years back)

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  7. Cool, I'll look forwardto next week. XD

    For the time being I'll turn my music up and sing and dance whist wearing nothing but my underwear. And my bra. And maybe a T-shirtbecause it's pretty cold yannno? But then I'll need a skirt, that black one that I dance in. Badly, I might add. Or no... that dress.

    *rambles for hours whilst Cel and Zeri get really fed up and proceed to bang their heads on the wall in despair* So yeah, maybe I'll wear my dress but it's in the wash so I'll have to wear it tomorrow maybe, but I wanted to wear it for the cinema with memates so now I'm stuck... *continues rambling* *rambles endlessly and pointlessly* So yes and then he said to her that I said that she said that he said that and it's like totally off the mark andyeah but no but yeah but no but t's just... *rambles*

    *gets shot*

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