i regret my entire life
so many bad decisions there is no way to accurately measure how severely i fucked up my own life. and not just mine, i fucked up other people's lives too. heartache after heartache. i blunder thru life like a bull in a china shop, smashing everything in my path. sure the bull doesnt want to break anything, but is too stupid are careless not to.
there arent even words to express the grief in my heart. so many years wasted. lives torn apart. mistake after mistake after mistake.
i really am better off in the sims. where the lives i ruin dont exist.
there arent even words to express the grief in my heart. so many years wasted. lives torn apart. mistake after mistake after mistake.
i really am better off in the sims. where the lives i ruin dont exist.
No. Just no. No matter how many mistakes you think you have made, it's called being human. And you have said yourself, you have some amazing kids. Kids don't turn out that well without a pretty great mom. And total screw-ups certainly don't end up with a bunch of total strangers who care about them the way you have. I know I'm overstepping here, because I really have no right to tell you anything about what you should do, but please have a talk with someone you care about, it sounds like you need a shoulder right now. I hope you feel better soon.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth Kubler Ross (I think) said: "I'm not okay, and you're not okay, and that's okay!" :)
ReplyDeleteEveryone fucks up. I think most people go through life tearing up china shops. I know I do. And I've been looking back on my own life as well and shaking my head, shedding a few tears even, at the fuck-ups I've created. I know what you're saying. I hate that we can't get back the time we lost, but what can we do?
From what I've read here, you seem like a great person. If you can look back and say that you generally did your best with the information you had available at the time, then that's fine. Hindsight always has 20/20 vision. Be a little kinder to yourself.
*hugs*
- GalateaCc
Like the others here, I can say that you are definitely a great person. We all make mistakes. I've made a few that I am so ashamed of that I let the memories of my actions haunt me, even months later. Nevertheless, I have to learn from those mistakes, forgive myself for them, and do what I can to move on from them.
ReplyDeleteYou can't change it, you can only learn from it, and do what you can to live with it. Keep your chin up
thank you so much you guys. your both right. but i dont have anyone in my life to confide to with this. it will take me years to heal, if i ever do. you only get one shot at some things in this life. and sometime, you fuck it all up and there is no going back. ill just have to live with the rest of my days. i appreciate your kind words and hugs to all *HUGS*
ReplyDeleteI normally don't say anything when I read your blog, because I know how things have gone between you and I.
ReplyDeleteBut, I do have one request: Don't let the past haunt you too much. Don't let the past come to control it. Don't let the mistakes you've made and the number of times others have played you come to define your life. Once it does, you may find yourself feeling trapped by events long past and unwilling to look in the mirror because you don't like the what you see staring back at you from behind the mask that is your physical face.
I hope your life leads you to greater joy and what happiness you find helps you forget the past.