Your Weekly Horror-Scope


Be aggressive and forceful when it comes to exerting your will, Aquarius. It wont really matter tho, People will still laugh at you. Lets face it, your conversational skills are lackluster at best. i dont think 'you know what would look good on you? ME" is an appropriate pick up line.



People would be foolish to challenge your thinking now, Aries. The power behind your words is volatile, and so is your temper. Resist the urge to punch your boss in the face. Sure, we all know hes got it coming. But is 5 minutes of sweet sweet retribution worth the jail time?



It could be that you feel a bit of pressure today, Cancer. Are your pants a little too tight? Have a little too many donuts yesterday?


 You think nobody knows what your up too, Capricorn? Well I know.. and plenty of others do too. Cause i told them.. Wait, why are you looking at me like that? Stay back! Dont come any closer!! AHH!



One quick phone call to a friend may turn into a long discussion about the meaning of life, Gemini. Does a tree fall in the forest and make a sound? What came first, the chicken or the egg? Does the pope shit in the woods?
 These are all timeless questions that need answered.. but not by you.. cause lets face it, your a dimwit.



Move forward with your plan of attack today, Leo. There's an anxious rumble within you, telling you to take that nerd DOWN. Hes got a mega super wedgie coming to him. How dare he exist in the same world as you? Didnt last weeks swirly teach him anything??



People are apt to try to hit you square on the head with their ideas and thoughts today, Libra. Or perhaps try to hit you on the head with blunt objects. 
dont leave the house without a crash helmet. Your lucky charm is pepper spray


 Today may be one of those days in which you come to a four-way stop and no one knows whose turn it is. So go ahead and floor it.



 Don't take no for an answer today, Sagittarius. You know she wants you, SHE just doesnt know it yet.  Remember, theres nothing more romantic than tying a girl up in your basement, and forcing her to write love letters to you.



There's a great deal of primal energy rising within you today, Scorpio. So go and let out that caveman yell. beat your chest. FEEL ALIVE!! I would suggest tho, doing this in the privacy of your own home, and not at the bus stop.



Your old ways of thinking have carried you quite far, Taurus. But lets face it, times have changed. No one carries beepers anymore. Car phones are a thing of the past, and nobody is impressed with your huge record collection. And by the way, cordless phones dont have telescopic antennas anymore either.




Add spark to your life today, Virgo. Just make sure the sparks you find are the romantic variety, and not the kind spit out by angry toasters.

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