was i wrong?

i do try to be unbiased in my desicion making.. try to see things from both points of view before i react.. but perhaps sometimes i let emotion get in the way a little.

last night a guildy, lets call him bob. bob is usualy a pretty arrogant and bossy individual. well last night he seems to be in a foul mood. another guildie says something stupid in chat like 'i love boobies'. of course the female members werent entirely thrilled (myself included) and one female member in particular,, lets call her jan, saied somthing to the effect of 'im not gay so no i dont love boobies'.

so bob, who wasnt even really a part of the boobies conversation, pops in with 'well get a mastectomy then' 0_0
her husband immediately says 'um.. no'
but jan and i were particular annoyed by this statement. i said, 'just because we arent obsessed with our own bodyparts doesnt mean we should hack them off.' at this point my bf chanced the subject before it got ugly.

so later on, not 15 minutes maybe, bob come in again complaining about someone in his party who sitting down during the instance. at first we laughed and made light of it, but he just keeps going on and on. and a few of us were like 'hey sometimes we sit and replenish mana too'
well then he goes off about how ppl are inconsiderate and should think of their squad and bla bla.
im really getting irritated now, but trying to find a way to calm the conversation. well jan tells him to stfu and puts him on ignore.
then he continues ranting and i said 'calm your tone'
so he PMs me!  'she can tell me to shut the fuck up but i cant defend myself and bla bla' now perhaps it was because i was already pissed off about his earlier comments, but maybe i WAS a little biased. im not sure. but i told him the calm you tone remark was for everybody. he shuts up, but about an hour later he mumbles some lame excuse about his friend from his old guild being back and he leaves guild.  im sure there were cheers all around.

but perhaps i could have handled it better. did i let my anger cloud my judgment in this? should i have been more curt with jan too? im not really looking to get this fellow back (arrogant dipshit) but i do want to handle these sort of situation better in the future. i cant let my personal feelings get in the way of my judgements.. not as a leader.  just not sure i handled this one properly

Comments

  1.  I don't really see anywhere where you lost your temper. "Calm your tone" seemed like a nice enough way to say it, lol. 

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  2. He was an ass, and he made you angry. Anger clouds judgement. So I'm sure it was a natural response to the situation at the time.  As a leader, it's hard to maintain a sense of neutralness.  Perhaps, since the calm your tone remark was for everyone, to say, "Everyone Calm down!" And then tell Jan, telling fellow guild members to STFU isn't acceptable nor is ignoring them.  And tell Bob, we get it.  Your upset, but there is no need to carry on beating it to death or to act like a jerk.  Let it be known, such behavior won't be tolerated.
    Though, I don't think there is just one way to handle a situation. Follow your heart/instincts and go with what you feel best in any given situation. That's all you can do :)

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  3. yeah i guess your right. i could have made more of a point that EVERYONE should have been calming down, not make it seem like just him. but.. i was in an instance and distracted an annoyed at him lol.  and altho i dont feel i lost my temper, it did just seem.. i dunno.. one sided on my part.i should have a talk with jan later and ask her to be a little more forgiving too

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  4. Aaaahhh guilds, they so can be a love hate thing.  My husband and i tried WOW for a couple months at Chrissie time but found we didn't care for the game, ( it's too simple) so we went back to Warhammer and instantly re-fell in love.  We only left the game because with the advent of Aion our population diminished.

    Quickly, we were offered a guild.  We try to be careful with choosing guilds because Warhammer has Vent. Vent can be a great thing, but I've found that once guys find out that I really AM female, they want to whinge about everything their mums and girlfriends and wives have ever done to them, making my game play sucky. So, we played with a couple of the guild's members and found we really liked them.  They have play styles much like our own and they didn't ramble about stupid stuff.

    So, we joined.  The fist thing we were asked was "Do you have vent' NO ! We don't i politely explained that after having it the last time we were reluctant to bring it into our home.  But that we'd think about it.  After a week or so of enjoying the guild we were asked to get vent again.  we debated and said 'yeah we'd get it' but it would be a while as we'd have to go to the shops and we wont be going anytime soon.

    So, every couple of days we're asked to get vent and told how great it is.  My husband is shy, he doesn't want to talk in vent.  i don't want to tell them this, so i make light of not having it and tell them that "we're like deers in the forest and they are scaring us' with all the vent talk.  And that they need to go slowly with us.  But that yes we WILL get it soon, even though we don't want to.

    Not but two hours later they start in again about we could hear this or that if we had vent.  And again, when would we get it.  now, my tollerence is low, I'd just had yet another miscarriage at Easter and just wanted to have fun and relax, I still was not back at work yet, so there was NO way, I was going into the city to get headsets for at least two to three weeks.    Again, I tried to bring humour to it and said no one wanted to hear my voice and things that were just silly, but letting them know that we'd do it when we did it and not a moment before.

    So, an hour later I hit T4 and can go to land of the dead.  We all party up and we're having a good time.  I am getting a few helpful hints from the leader about where to place my shammy.  We're seasoned players, but it's been a long time since we played tier4 and I thought it was sooo nice of the guild leader to help.  So I sent him a short tell thanking him.  And he came back with a snotty tell about how he was hoping i'd figure things out for myself and didn't wanna help because I don't have vent.


    Almost no one spoke to us, they refused to type.  Typing is NOT hard and it is quick and it's not like it's impossible to do in the situation we were in. 

    We were so turned off, we logged out and didn't touch the game for a week.  just last night I logged in, and instead of playing my oh so fun and cute shammy, I rolled Order instead and refused any guild invites.


    I don't think you handled the situation wrong at all.  Guilds are necessary in games like this, so that makes some guildies a necessary evil.  Mostly I think we blow off the bullshit and we can laugh bout stupid shit, but sometimes things just get under our skin. 

    I don't know you know you, but from what I've seen of you, you've got a good head on your shoulders and a kind heart.  Say your sorry if you feel lead to, but don't say it if you don't feel lead to.  i am SURE you did not cause him to leave the guild and even if somehow you're little comment so offended him, then his leaving the guild was gonna happen at some point anyway.
     

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  5. Pistolkitten YoungMay 16, 2011 at 10:00 PM

    Having been in that position more than once on WoW I feel your pain lol. I think you did a great job, some people are just suffering assholes no matter what you do, and this Bob seems to be one of them. Your guild is better off without people who whine and find all manner of things to bitch about on a regular basis.

    I'm quite looking forward to being a part of your guild actually, sounds like you really do try to run it as fairly as possible, with the tone of ''we are here to have fun''. At this stage I'm rolling a Bard, hope that works for everyone :D

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  6. i too, serenicat am not crazy about the vent thing. we avoiding having a guild vent for so long because we just dont care for it. but SO many guildies wanted one, we got one just to appease them. we dont force anyone on it tho, and dont use it for instances (at least i dont) so its mostly for fun. that guild you were in sounds like a bunch o aholes lol. i have been in a few like that tho too sadly.

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