Monday, May 30, 2011

just want to say

thank you to everyone for your support and well wishes during this time. it has helped and i am very grateful. im trying to put it behind me now and look forward. my new kittens helps alot. who can be sad when you have a cute roly poly kitten to play with?

ive dealt with my issues with my dad long ago. as i mentioned i had a rough childhood. me brother and i were neglected, beaten, mostly by our first stepmother, but there was always the whippings with the belt when dad came home. thats how i grew up. when i was 12 he sent me away to 'crazy camp'. basicaly, a  mental home for adolescents because i was depressed and suicidal. after 8 months in that place, he and my stepmother sorta dissapeared.. apparently they didnt want me anymore, so i went to live with my mother. i was so angry and resentful toward my father for many years after that. we never spoke again. i did not invite him to my wedding, but i made sure he knew about it.

when my first child was born tho, he suddenly reappeared. his only grandchild changed him somehow i guess. we reconciled and the past was forgotten. but in truth, the past was merely buried. it would be many more years before i finaly came to terms with the anger i harbored inside. and it will ALWAYS be there, but at least ive learned how to deal with it.

my dad and i had a pretty good relationship these last few years. probably better than we ever had when i was a kid. im alot like him, and i guess he could see that in me. we got along as adults because we share alot of the same interests and personality traits. and even tho my childhood was pretty horrible, i did always love my dad. and we had lots of good times, fun holidays, and good memories. and i will never forget him as long as i live

4 comments:

  1. *Comes out of lurker mode*

    Wow.

    It amazes me how often I read stories like this, and think "How on earth did they turn out so wonderful?" You're a kind and caring person, and an asset to this community. While it does sadden me to hear what happened when you were younger, I am glad you turned out to be as great as you are.

    It's good to see that you both reconciled in the end, it wouldn't have been easy, but it looks like it was worth it. Better to hold on to those wonderful memories than the painful ones.

    Hugs and best wishes for you.


    Oh, and kittens make everything better, that's not an opinion, that's a law :)

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  2. At least you were able to reconcile with your dad before he passed.  It does make closure easier.  My father was also abusive and passed away after not speaking to me for five years.  That was 30 years ago and I have managed to deal with it but it has had negative affects on how I deal with people and life.  I have only bad memories of my father so treasure your good memories and hold on to those.

    And, yeah, kittens are the medicine for all that ails you!  In the worst of times, they can bring a smile!

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  3. Hi Zeri, excuse me if this doesn't make sense, I'm on some pain drugs.  But I read your note and I just wanted to say that my heart goes out to you.  I am so sorry for your loss and at the same time I am so amazed at your story and you turned out so great after being through so much. 

    I am so sad that you went through what you did when you were younger, but I wonder if that pain didn't forge you to be the strong kind hearted wonderful person you are now. Pain reshapes us when we're in it and when we come out the other side we have to chose if what we went through will make us hard and bitter or kind and more compassionate.  You are kind.

    God bless you and keep you Zeri, I'll be sending you warm thoughts and love.

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  4. yeah i do think that my childhood has shaped who i am, and altho it was hard, and it was hell, i am actualy grateful for it. i did grow strong. and it always reminds me of what NOT to be. i never wanted to be my father. i try hard not to let my temper rule my actions. i dont always succeed, but we are only human lol.

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