Your Weekly Horror-Scope

Its a great day for calling in sick from work. Even if you are not actually sick, who needs to know? Just make sure you dont happen to go to the same restaurant for lunch that your boss is going to. Could prove to be a tad awkward.

 You have got a burning desire today, Aries... You know that feeling... The sparkle of the match as it ignites, the smell of smoke, the thrill of fleeing the scene...

You're likely to gravitate toward those who can put on a show and carry your imagination to a far-off land today, Cancer. With fairies and rainbows and unicorn forests. Wow, what are YOU smoking?

Nourish the organic things in your life to help remind you of your own roots, which are extremely important for you right now. Sink deep into the earth in order to understand the environment around you. Just dont sink too far, or the neighborhood cats might accidentally bury your head.

People around you may be feeling cranky today. Did you forget about yesterday already? Really, no one likes to have their pants yanked down in front of a large group of people. I dont think you are going to be quickly forgiven for that.

Clean out under your bed today Leo. you might be VERY surprised at what is lurking under there.

This is one of those days when you will be walking along and all of a sudden hear a street performer playing music. Resist the urge to throw rocks at them. Mimes are people too, you know.

You may be wondering whose shoulder you should cry on, Pisces. Nobody seems to like you. Maybe its because you are a whiny twit. Grow a pair.

Try not to think too much about what is "supposed" to happen next, Sagittarius. You make your OWN destiny.You dont need 'rules' or 'laws'. Your a rebel, a loner.. So go ahead and WEAR that polka dot outfit.. Set a trend

Don't take things that don't belong to you, Scorpio. I know you have a feeling of 'the world is MINE' but really, people do tend get angry when you steal their lunches.

Got that feeling to just go buy a lottery ticket today, Taurus? Well it just might be your lucky day. The starts predict you will win big in all your endeavors today. UNFORTUNATELY tho, you will very swiftly be robbed of your new found wealth. Try not to wave your winning lottery ticket around in the gas station yelling "i won i won!!"

Stop wrestling with the pros and cons of every situation, Virgo. You waste precious time thinking when other signs are doing. This is why people think you are a jackass. Make a decision already!